CW: I may have heard of him. So what's there to do here?

 

SONIC (shuffles in his Game of Thrones-like computer chair). You name it. Decent local music scene, lots of free stuff to do. Some good eats between the Hill and downtown. It's ok. It has it's ups and downs. The weather usually sucks, the crime downtown blows, and living near Spuddy isn't the best choice of location. But it works. We had the first skyscraper in the world, you know. And the ice cream cone was invented here at the 1904 World's Fair. History like that makes it home. But it's really kinda my temporary home. My favorite place for work is over in Las Vegas, I'll be there for a couple weeks.

 

CW: So, a player from St. Louis wins back-to-back MVP of the Week awards for the first opening games of the Crossbirdz 3v3. Reaction? Any feelings in general about that?

 

SONIC: Well, considering the shit show that is Teh Birdz and Crossbreed; it wasn't hard to come out on top. It's like winning a medal at the Special Olympics. I should feel proud, but still feel slightly handicapped. I do appreciate that my efforts and contributions to being on the victorious side of matches is being recognized, though.

 

CW: So, have you actually ever won a medal in the Special Olympics?

 

SONIC: No. Best finish was 5th place. Can't color inside the lines.

 

   He shrugs as he takes a drink of his Jameson. I look at the empty cup in my hand that had somehow appeared in the last several minutes, and ask him for a pour. He ignores me.

 

CW: I'm gonna fire off a list of words for you, and in three words or less you respond with what first comes to mind, okay?

 

SONIC: Is this a psyche eval?

 

CW: Umm, no.

 

SONIC: Because the NSA already has enough info on me to make a determination.

 

CW: Right....Ambiguously Gay Trio?

 

SONIC: Troll loves cawk.

 

CW: Flip flops?

 

SONIC: Causes plantar facitisis.

 

CW: Aerial photography?

 

SONIC: Drones are cool.

 

CW: Warm sunny days?

 

SONIC: Me get sunburn.

 

CW: Favorite furniture?

 

SONIC: Hammocks for life.

 

CW: Miley Cyrus?

 

SONIC: Wouldn't twerk that.

 

CW: So Miley Cyrus is laying on your favorite hammock out on a sunny day. You have a pair of flip flops; do you risk plantar facitisis and sunburn to remove her from the hammock? Or would you allow a drone to transmit video feeds of you showing her how to actually twerk. which in turn upsets her and she leaves?

 

SONIC: Plantar Fasciitis and sunburn would be necessary.  Ain't nobody stealing my hammock.

CW: So you sound like a guy who knows what's his. Do you feel like the championship trophy is yours for the taking?

 

SONIC: I feel like we're pretty solid contenders.  We had a rough go of it week 3 with not preparing for the map and come in not warmed up.  I think the next few weeks will be a good test for us.  Our biggest obstacle will be scheduling and me potentially playing from a hotel on a laptop.

 

CW: Favorite movie?

 

SONIC: Shawshank Redemption. "I'd like to think that the last thing that went through his head, other than that panzerfaust shell, was to wonder why the hell they ever gave the panzer to Mesh."

 

CW: Say what?

 

SONIC: You heard me.

 

CW: You're stuck on a desert island. What pair of survivors would you rather survive with; the characters Andy and Red, or the actors that play them? Why?

 

SONIC: The actors that play them.  Simply so Morgan Freeman could narrate everything. Tim Robbins would be kinda awkward, though.  I'd think he'd probably be the first to not make it. We should probably try to get Morgan Freeman to shoutcast a match.

 

CW: You get a casting call to be in a movie...but multiple studios want you. Which movie  would you choose to be in between these options: a movie based on a Jane Austen novel like Pride and Prejudice; a modern retelling of Old Yeller, a remake of an 80's classic like The Breakfast Club, or a film version of Friends?

 

SONIC: Old yeller makes me cry, so that's out.  Pride an Prejudice sounds racist.  Friends was stupid.  So the iconic remake of the Breakfast Club it is.

 

CW: So at your casting call for the Breakfast Club, the only three roles available are the principle, the nerd, the jock and the rebel. which one do you try for?

 

SONIC: You just said three roles, but listed four.

 

CW: Ahhhh that was um, a test. You're sharper than we all think *cough*. Well done.

 

SONIC: That's a tough one.  The Nerd is the obvious fit.  It definitely wouldn't be the Principal and the Jock is out.  So either the Nerd or Rebel.

 

CW: So since you've been pretty successful in the 3v3 format, what would you say is the most important aspect of playing on a team of 3 as opposed to playing on a team of 6?

 

SONIC: I think its a lot of different little things.  Spawns are very important; if not more so than 6's.  Not going out long/full is pretty key. Timing is important and staying together on pushes also.  I'd say the key factor is gibbing.  With typically only 1-2 meds on a team; getting them gibbed can shut down the other team pretty quick.

 

CW: Take into account 10+ years of playing RTCW and contrast that with real life. Is there something that can be taken from 10 yrs of wolf that can make you a better worker at your job, or is there something at your work that possibly made you a better RTCWplayer? We're talking influences here...

 

SONIC: I really don't know if RTCW led to it but I've found since playing games I've been far better at multitasking at work.  I also think that gaming does help to blow off stress, so it's been helpful for work with that. Conversely, work's definitely been detrimental to my game just because of the schedule I maintain, the travel, and having to take 3+ years off of everything

 

CW: Go on?

 

SONIC: If I was only half as good as I used to be; I'd already have locked up the season voting.  And I play with walls; unlike half the fucks in this little tournament.

 

CW: (mumbles) This is Sparta....

 

   I leave "Fortress Sonic" feeling like I'm being watched. As I look back over my shoulder, I see several small, hovering drones slowly snapping away what are certainly photos of my best angle. Strange as it was, if my ass ends up on the cover of some Kodak magazine, I'd be elated.

   The Cadillac fired right up (after four attempts), and I headed west, images of Miley Cyrus getting deathpunched off a hammock flirting in my brain. I would have to call my Crossbirdz Weekly editor and report my findings. Possibly complain about the travel accomodations during these last two trips. With my luck, he'd probably tell me to go fuck myself and stay in St. Louis. Or was it Kansas City? I just don't know anymore.

   Sonic, of team Beastmode, has obviously made his presence known in the 3v3 tourney that I was assigned to cover.  His overall demeanor notwithstanding, I found myself curious to see how his performance would continue over the next several weeks. After all, when you've made such a big splash on the scene, one has to wonder what future impact he'll have on league play. One thing I know, as the sun began to blind my eyes, is that I'm pretty certain that damn shitzu peed on my shoes. Yes, my friends, this was Sparta...