7 TEAMS...MULTIPLE FAILS
CROSSBIRDZ 3V3
A RETURN TO CASTLE WOLFENSTEIN LEAGUE
RINGERS? HAS A NICE RING TO IT
An interview with Playa, Esq.
Ohio, October 6, 2014 (Crossbirdz Weekly)
In what is perhaps my last assignment of the year, I'm sent out to the great state of Ohio! Home of...um, the Browns. Oh, and Cavs. Well, ok, Lebron James (sounds better). Oh and the NFL Hall of Fame, that's cool. Sorry. Anyways, when you're sent out to Ohio to interview a guy that goes by the names of Tyrone Biggums AND Mike Crawford, you never know what you're gonna get. One is a crack-smoking ghetto thug who will do anything for a cheeseburger (and I mean anything), and the other is a pot-smoking corporate giant of industry. So with the full expectation of some duality, it was with obvious hesitation that I entered the surprisingly welcoming house of Playa.
I'm greeted by a room full of smoke (not surprised) and two cats that notice my presence but don't seem to care that I'm new and smell amazing. The house seems otherwise empty, until a white guy wearing a North Face fleece jacket jumps me from behind.
"WHATS UP DUUUUUUUUUUUDE?!?!?!?!?!"
I shit myself.
Then compose myself (easily done in a weed-saturated environment), and make myself at home. I sit down on a couch while Playa fumbles around, looking for something. He grumbles quietly to himself for a moment when suddenly an imaginary light bulb illuminates above his head. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a baggie.
PLAYA: Mind if I do a J?
CROSSBIRDZ WEEKLY: Uhh, go ahead. I'll just get started. Nice place you got here.
PLAYA: Thanks man, you're the best. I like it too. It's pretty chill, isn't it? I got my PC over here, living room setup...well, obviously right here. The woman loves it because I can game and still be around here. Sometimes the smoke is a little much for her but that's the price she pays to love this. And when I say love this, I mean DIS DICK!
CW: Copy. You started the season with a drafted player unable to play. How has this effected your season, overall, and do you think it would have turned out differently?
PLAYA: I would have liked to play with Scrilla again. I think he's an underrated player. He's a veteran and works the spawn times. I believe we still would have gone undefeated, cuz lets face it; only one player has a kittens.cfg.
He sparks the doobie.
CW: Playing with your 3rd teammate being a ringer nearly all season, whats an advantage and disadvantage of managing a team that way?
PLAYA: I may not be the best player but I think when it comes to managing I do a better job. I've played with you guys long enough to know strengths and weaknesses.And how it came to my decisions was knowing who can perform on what maps. I picked Eights for escape because he knew the map and I didn't. My strat for that map was the best I would say because I knew where to put people. Disadvantage was thinking those people were going to sabotage Ringers cuz they were jelly. I love Rampage, but I could also see him
sabotage me because the Yankees are the greatest and he disagrees and uses that spite against me.
CW: (coughs). Since it's been you and kittens the entire season together, describe your teammate and what he brings to the table. and what he doesn't.
PLAYA: Kittens, I think he's a great player. I know he gets a lot of shit from people, including myself at first. But he has to be the most calmest kid I've ever played a video game with. Under pressure he just calms everyone down and throws out ideas. I think him and I work great together because I'm pretty calm and he's super calm if that makes sense. Just listen to him play, it's hard to explain but our teamwork this season has been spot on.
CW: So who did you eyeball during the season as your biggest competition? "Marking the calendar" so to speak?
PLAYA: Week 6 vs AGT. I know how those guys are. I originally wanted Troll on my team because I know he just pushes everyone to play their best, and I knew that match wasn't going to be easy. I'm not sure how their comms were but they looked like a different team when we played them. I'm sure it would have been a much closer match on base/beach/frostbite/ice. And I love my Spudz.
He's already finished the J. Man can this guy smoke. He takes a moment, rolls another one and looks up at me, eyes bloodshot, and laughs.
CW: Favorite movie quote?
PLAYA: The Ladies Man; is your father a meat burglar? Uhh here's why I ask. it's because it looks like he stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress (have to use the lisp for the full effect)
CW: Best time to smoke?
PLAYA: All day every day. Well, when I'm not being corporate at work.
CW: New Ladies man movie is being filmed and they invite you to play a role in it. What role would you want?
PLAYA: The Ladies Man brotha from anotha mutha (see what I did there) and since he's all tied up I would go around asking women if I could buy them fish sandwich's.
CW: Any final words to those that would put an asterisk next to your team name and record?
PLAYA: It is what it is. I'm not happy I had to use 5 ringers, but lessons learned for future cups. I will give some advice to those crying about it, though. Next time there's a 1v1 to be a captain and pick your spot to pick, SHOW UP. I strategically wanted to pick 3 for a reason. And it seemed to have helped me out. (Editors note, he picked Kittens with that pick).
CW: Which map is a sure thing for Finals that you will definetely take a round from BRNGNV on? Chateau, Escape, Beach, Ice or Frostbite?
PLAYA: It's hard to say. I've been going through every match with the possibility of losing, but BRNGNV beat AGT so I know it will be tough. I'm sure we will see Gayman (Editors note, he means Bassman) trying to come up the back sides, but it's hard to say. I think we are not very good on Beach but will destroy them on Escape.
We take a short break. He keeps smoking until he's sufficiently stoned out of his mind, while I am enjoying a nice contact high. We mumble something about zombie games, the future of Teh Birdz, future tournaments and such, but I forget to take notes. Guess that's what happens when we're both high, because he definetely didn't remember having a conversation about any of those things.
CW: Man, what time is it? How long have I been here?
PLAYA: I dunno, But lets get this done. I got some shoutouts to make and then some bitches to manage down at the corporate headquarters. First, shout out to Mesh for the tourney and dealing with everyone's shit, especially mine. Shoutout to Caff and Mesh for playing with Deadeye. Shoutout to Ramp, respect Jeter; best player ever. Shout out to Spud; I love you. Oh yeah and my teammates Kittens and Brujah for dealing with my shit too. Peace and love.
I must have drank a few too many beers somewhere along the interview, as I wake up the next morning still on the couch. As I fumble for my clothes (why wasn't I wearing them in the first place? What happened last night?), Playa walks out dressed in some downtown Manhattan, Wall Street wolf-looking suit. He looks at me in disgust as I throw on a generic fleece and turns around to walk back down the hallway, returning with a box that he throws at my feet. "Open it." His eyes twinkle. I obey, and am giddy when I see tons of North Face gear.
"For me?" I ask.
He laughs and takes the box away. "No. No, no no. Corporate Mike doesn't give out handouts. I'm a business man and I'm a business, man!"
He throws some pocket change at my feet and exits the house.
With an attitude like that, I think to myself as I walk out into the somewhat-fresh Ohio air, that man will win himself a tournament.
The Ringers set themselves up as a unique team that managed to go undefeated throughout the first Crossbirdz 3v3. As the #1 seed, they will face the #3 BRNGNV in the Finals match. Although the majority of their season was played with the original two players (Playa and Kittens) and utilized by rotating ringer players per league rules, Playa secured the rights to Brujah in a late season trade that never slowed them down. With a finalized roster, they look to take on a surprising but equally challenging Backragers team that has no shortage of talent.
They will have their detractors, but Playa has found a way to make the best of his situation and is quite possibly the Manager of the Season. As the Week 6 MVP, he also proved that it wasn't just good management that got his team this far, but the excellent gameplay on the part of him and his teammates.